I cant say why
I cant justify
I try to find a reason
I say you have beautiful eyes
I know that’s a lie
You are so much more
I wish I could know more
I’m writing this
Not to be clear
Nor I want anyone to hear
It can never be clear
It is sad, but the end is just too near.
by extraordinaryme
Richman Avenue, South Australia.
dedicated to you,the one that inspire me.
Imagine waking up in the morning after a good night sleep looking out the window. The view that we see is a definite sight and it is real. How many times in our lives we experience that feeling of waking up in the morning looking out of the window wishing we were somewhere else. It could be because we know it is going to be a bad day or even because we had a dream of being somewhere we want to be. As human being it is very hard for us to know where we belong. Our feelings are not static, it changes constantly each day.
Yesterday, you had a good day you went to bed feeling happy you wake up and see the sight you have to see everyday smiling. That’s when you feel you belong to that place. However tomorrow you might wake up in a bad mood and you start hating the view out of your window and you hating and cursing your life, feeling so out of place wishing you were somewhere else.
Emotions are always involved in our decisions. Especially when we try to determine where we belong. It is not easy for the heart to settle down. Logically the heart is literally constantly moving all the time. So it is not an easy task to settle down in one place and consider we belong there.
There is no way you can decide whether you belong to a place. Each and every one of us has different ideas and thoughts on how our perfect place would be. Often we imagine the sandy beaches of the Caribbean or the mountains in Europe as the perfect place where we truly belong. The question now how many of us have actually lived in that perfect place.
I personally feel that being in the place I belong means I am able to wake up everyday looking at the same thing but the journey from that view I see everyday in the morning when I wake up to my first cup of coffee for that day should not be an unpleasant journey. It should feel nice and comfortable. The place I belong is somewhere I am not a traveller looking for an adventure or a tourist eager to find the best things the place could offer. Life itself is an adventure the best things that the place could offer should be a frequent place I go. It can be my favourite café or a park I go jogging everyday. I don’t need to search for anything more because it has everything I need.
The place that you belong to should not be an idea of perfection. It must be a reality. It must be somewhere in this world. It must be somewhere you are living your life and feeling happy being there. If you cant get that feeling then you ought to be a traveller in search for the place you can live and belong to. After all you only have one life and you can’t afford spend life somewhere you don’t belong.
I have always
Described life
Like a book
Age like the chapters
Promising different stories
As time pass by
If only I could erase you
If only I can forget you
After all, we have gone very far
From our moments
No I cant
Because you are the only one
Who can make my heart beat faster,
Leave me breathless,
Lose my words
All at the same time
You give me a reason
You make me want to stay.
Ahmad Ridhuan Alauddin,21
Richman Avenue, Prospect.
South Australia
28/03/2010
In life,from time to time we as human will definitely face defeat. People tend to freak out and in the end this will result in wrong choices. This can be avoided if we are actually ready. We plan a lot of things and naturally we always plan for the best. What we take for granted is the tendency for all our grand plan to fail. That is why we are ill prepared for defeat or any negative occurrence that we face.
In a more concrete explanation, Nasim Nicholas Taleb explains this using the "Black Swan theory" he developed.
The Black Swan event according to him is
1. The event is a surprise (to the observer).
2. The event has a major impact.
3. After the fact, the event is rationalized by hindsight, as if it could have been expected (e.g., the relevant data were available but not accounted for).
This is a theory commonly used to describe unexpected event in the world such as the September 11. I would argue that this theory can also be applicable in our everyday life. In life we always face situations that we never thought could happen and unexpectedly these unexpected events actually change our life drastically. It would not be too much to say that unexpected situations define our lifes more than expected situations. One fine example would be when we study. We take a subject for one semester and attend classes every week because we know by the end of the semester we will have a final exam(expected event). Two weeks into study week we receive a past year exam question (unexpected event). On the day of the exam the question asked were exactly like the past year question we received(unexpected event). In the end we manage to get a decent result. Do we realise it is actually the unexpected event that got us the results?Would we have studied if we had expected the unexpected?Things could go the other way, we expect the past year to come out and then the exam questions are totally different and we end up failing the paper.
Honestly this year hasnt been a good year for me. I planned a lot of things and many did not turned up good. This was the year I considered suicide(just a SILLY thought if I may stress on this). Things were so bad that I wanted to give up. After thinking for a while I realised where I went wrong. I planned for victory but I did not plan for defeat. I figure out if I had planned for a defeat, I would have known what to do when things went wrong.
Basically the art of accepting defeat is simple. It is be PREPARED for a defeat even if you plan to WIN. If you plan to win, yes you would know what to do if you win BUT what happens if you LOSE?You need to be ready for the unexpected because even if something is least likely to happen,it may just happen.
By Ahmad Ridhuan Alauddin
Introduction
Italian immigrants migrated into the US together with many of their Europeans neighbors. When they first came to US most of the migrants had a very hard life. Arriving in a new country, the Italian migrants mostly had very little money and had no idea of their new place apart from US being the land of opportunity. The lack of resources and contacts in the new country prompted many of these immigrants to settle down in the place the first set down.
These immigrants came from various parts of Italy they were scattered all around the US. This paper will look at the common menu of those Italian migrants and look at how it has involved in the community that is now known as the Italian-American. This essay will mainly try to address the significant issues of the process of ethnic identity.
This paper will argue that the role of family is very important in advocating ethnic identity. The influence of a very rigid and traditional family institution helped the Italian immigrants whom in the end were known as Italian American to maintain their identity. This is fascinating because despite undergoing changes from generations to generations their tradition is still very much alive and important to them. The paper will further argue this point by looking, the transmission of ethnic consciousness amongst the Italian American.
Last but not least we will look at the maintenance of ethnic group boundaries and most importantly, the role of food in such process. Overall, this essay aims to look at the evolution of the Italian migrants in America and how this has affected their everyday food.
This paper will articulate all the forwarded arguments and try to answer the main question of whether Americanization disintegrated the original Italian culture and traditions amongst the migrants or have their community managed to stand by their roots and maintain their cultures through generations.
Common menu of the first generation Italian American
The Italian immigrants that migrated to the United States came from many parts of Italy. They originated from states such as Sardinia, Sicily and Naples. The geographical factor causes the type of materials available to each region to be different. The different cooking material available to the regions means each region has its own tradition and food pattern.
Naturally someone that migrates tends to bring together his or her norms from original country to make the transition easier. The Italians were no different they as they settled down in states such as New York city, Boston and Philadelphia they still try to maintain their roots and consume food that they usually consume back at home. (the Italian American) This led to the Italian migrant community to have such a diverse eating pattern but however, the dominance of migrants from certain region had caused the control of food distribution network by certain regional groups in the US led to a common pattern in the immigrant population.(1984 150)
The study of what Italian migrants consume are pioneered by dieticians that are interested to study the relationship between ethnicity and the unhealthy diet amongst people that migrate into America. Initially it was believed that these immigrants the Italian in particular consume too many carbohydrates and do not consume enough proteins. This is understandable especially if we look at well-known Italian dishes such as the pasta and the Italian bread.
This believe however cannot be entirely be agreed upon. A study by a dietician in New Haven Connecticut (King 1935) provides us with information regarding the menu cycle of the Italian migrants. The cycle of the common menu amongst the Italian American points to a very interesting pattern. There were another study being done after the first study. The second the study was conducted by Nizzardini and Joffe and their study again concluded that there is a common meal pattern in the Italian migrant community. This provides a basis of argument for the menu chosen in this essay. This essay accepts the variability of the Italian American community but will assume the most common cycle of menu as the menu consumed by the Italian American community as a whole.
G. Goode, Karen Curtis and Janet Judith Theophano argued that the Italian American menu can be described in terms of item and pattern.
“ The Italian American diet described in the literature can be described in terms of item and in terms of pattern. Items frequently emphasized include macaroni, greens, tomatoes poultry, fish, fruit, Italian bread, cheese, olive oil, wine and coffee. Meat and fish were used in small quantities-simmered with tomato sauce and fried. Shellfish were sautéed in oil and garlic or streamed in a tomato sauce. Roast chicken could be served as a main dish. A ‘one pot’ meal was characteristic of this dietary pattern. Combinations of vegetables and macaroni, legumes and macaroni, sauce and macaroni, and soups, which stressed vegetables, were prevalent.” (1984 150)
Based on the study in New Haven, Connecticut came out with a weekly cycle of the common menu for the first generation Italian American proves that her argument is valid. The study projected a weekly cycle of meals in the was shared in which Sunday was emphasized; on Monday soup were served. Observing strict religious values, they fasted on Wednesday and Friday. The study also deduced that Macaroni was eaten three times a week.
The study also revealed detail meal pattern of the Italian American. On Sunday the first meal was breakfast, taken early in the morning. It was simple meal consisting of a hot drink (coffee & tea) bread t, and fruit. ‘Dinner was an elaborate meal and it its expanded form included four courses which is soup, a gravy dish; roast meat with accompanying vegetable, salad, bread and wine; and dessert. On normal days were consumed In general macaroni is the staple food that is consumed by the migrants through out the week with meat and fish being consumed only twice a week.’(1984 150-152)
The argument that food acts as “the marker of cultural identity has long been noted within anthropological work on social classification, suggesting that food consumption practices are seemingly unequivocal indicators of cultural difference” ( Douglas 1966; Bulmer 1967; Levi- Strauss 1962) Their argument is that the food that is consumed by people can reflect their surroundings because people in general will consume what they have around them and try to improvise those food. Through this culture differences are recorded. Similar patterns of consumption thus mark our dissimilarity from others and charting as they frequently do, on to other aspect of dissimilarities. This further reinforces the argument in this essay that food consumption can be used as a representative of ethnic identity.
Ethnic consciousness
In analysing at the pattern of Italian American common menu it is a clear indication of how their original food from Italy still plays an important role in their everyday menu despite having moved into a foreign land. This strong ethnicity actually provides a strong sense of identity. The Italian migrant emphasize on maintaining their identity is perhaps the main reason for them to still be known as Italian American today, despite having arrived in the United States long ago.
Ethnic identity can be defined as values, cultural practices, social psychological traits and behavious. These factors are usually very hard to be maintaining especially amongst immigrant. They have left their original country and new generations take over from older generations and this makes it even harder for them to preserve their identity.
The younger generations in general have settled down and consider the new place as their home country. Here we see the problem, which is identity confusion. Since the younger generation was born and grew up in America, they have considered themselves more as an American rather than Italian whereas their parents and older generations still regard Italy as their home country. This conflict of identity is common especially in the third generations of migrants. The generation that have got little attachment to their original country and are more connected to their home country.
How the younger generation identify themselves will depend on how much they know about their identity. Waters concluded that “knowledge about ancestors” how much they know about their identity will be the most factor of how people identify themselves (1990 57). Waters also found that, “certain family structures and living arrangements may promote both the passage of information about ethnic origin and the interest in and socialization of children into a particular ethnicity.” (1990:62)
Alba (1990:164) in his research found a significant relationship between c between family and ethnic identity and stated, “Ethnic identity is, first and foremost, a matter of ancestry, of self-definition that is both handed down within the family and created on the basis of family history.” Alba (1990:164) also stated “the significance of the family for transmitting ethnicity is magnified by the comparative weakness of ethnicity in more public spheres, such as schools and workplaces.”
In terms of the Italian American community, Gans (1979, 1994) argued that ethnicity have become mostly subjective identities for contemporary white European Americans. Later-generation white ethnics may practice what Gans (1994 578) calls symbolic ethnicity, “The consumption and use of ethnic symbols intended mainly for the purpose of feeling or being identified with a particular ethnicity, but without participating in an existing ethnic organization (formal or informal) or practicing an ongoing ethnic culture.”
It is undeniable that the younger generations might not have an in depth understanding of their original country but the fact that Italian traditions are able to survive for many generations, the firm ethnic identity amongst Italian American must have been propagated by something very significant. This paper will argue that the Italian American manage to maintain most if not all aspects of their original identiy due to the role of family in propagating ethnic identity in the Italian American society. Many scholars that have often related the role of family in preserving ethnic identity support this argument.
Mindel, Habenstein, and Wright states that, “The maintenance of ethnic identification and solidarity ultimately rests on the ability of the family to socialize its members into the ethnic culture and thus to channel and control, perhaps program, future behavior.” (1998, 8)
González, Umaña-Taylor, and Bámaca concludes, “Familial ethnic socialization and experiences within the family are of primary importance in shaping ethnic identification.” (2006:187)
Rotheram and Phinney recognized the influence that ethnic socialization has, mainly on children. They defined ethnic socialization as, “the developmental processes by which children acquire the behaviors, perceptions, values, and attitudes of an ethnic group, and come to see themselves and others as members of such groups.” (1987:11)
Boscia-Mulè (1999:141) suggests that, “ethnicity has an identifiable and significant role in my respondents’ private lives.It is an ethnicity expressed mainly in the form of familistic values, and through the enactment of some of the behaviors consonant with those values.”
It is understandable why family plays a very important role in preserving ethnic identity. In explaining this we can use Clark’s argument, he says that ‘family is the very stuff of ethnic identity’. They influence lives and this is the main reason why family acts as what described by Stone as ‘agents of ethnicity’.
In the case of Italian American they maintain a very strong family structure. Greeleys study about the Catholics in America found out that among the American Catholic, the Italians are more likely to live in the same neighborhood as parents and siblings their families are very close. (Greeley 1972). When families are close traditions can be passed down and celebrated. This is the main reason why Italian American still has a very strong ethnic identity despite being settled down in a foreign land for a ling time.
Maintenance of Ethnic group Boundaries
Food is essential for everyone. The food that people choose to consume especially in our daily life would definitely be something significant to us. It could mean they simple love the food but it also can signify their identity. Food is also one of the most important symbols through which ethnic groups in America have maintained their individual identities and communicated to the society as a whole. (Kalcik 84).
The reason why ethnic consciousnesses are being maintained through food is because that is perhaps the easiest and most practical way to do it. Klymasz (1973 133) explains that the loss of the ethnic language or dialect often prevents the preservation of verbal folklore forms. This is not the case with food because with its quality that is easy to learn and also can act as a significant reminder to of the past, food is a more practical way to maintain ethnic consciousness especially towards the younger generations.
Sabina Magliocco argues that the various food chosen in an Italian theme festival signifies the important aspect of community identity and the dynamics of ethnic representation.(Magliocco 148)
The Little Italy Festival that she referred is actually one way how the Italian American maintain ethnic consciousness. The interesting part of this kind of festivals is that it can show how the Italian identity has changed over the years. What are being observed in the festival is actually the assimilation of the Italian American community.
The festival was structured to portray the parts of Italian identity that are available and can be enjoyed by the whole community. However by comparison, all the activities are typically American and have very little resemblance to the activities that would usually take place in popular festivals in Italy.
Further study on the festival shows that the sellers of the food in the festival consist of both Italians and non-Italians. The assimilation of the Italian culture in the society makes it a case of the seller selling Italian food to non-Italians and it’s not about representing their regional roots or the Italian culture anymore. The Italian foods itself have become accustomed to the society.
Ethnicity can be hard to define and it changes constantly. Maintaining ethnic group boundaries is also complicated. The process of assimilation inevitable because when a totally different culture is brought into a new society sooner or later that culture will be accepted and adopted into the new culture.
In the case of the Italian American we can see how their original Italian identity being assimilated into the American society. It is wrong to say that the original culture has totally disintegrated but rather it has changed. The fact that some original traditions is still being practiced even though in different ways, this means that the ethnic identity is still very much alive.
Maintaining ethnic group boundaries is not necessary to preserve ethnic identity. We look at how the Italian American preserves their identity. They accepted the changes of the society and made the best out of it. As a result over the years they have managed to maintain their identity without being left out of the society. From the example of the little Italy festival, it can be deduced that certain identities such as their food have been preserved.
This can be seen when pizza and pastas are being sold in the festival. These foods were food that the early migrants had in their weekly menu when they first reached the United States. At the same time many aspects of the festival were not the same as the festivals in Italy but rather were things that are being done in America shows how the two different cultures has been successfully assimilated not at the expense of another.
Conclusion
Food is a very good indicator of ethnic identity. Different countries due to various reasons such as taste tendency, geographical conditions, economic development consumes different type of food. In this paper we look at the common menu for the early Italian migrants that migrated to America.
When they migrated they brought together with them their culture and traditions. As the community develops, this community faces a common crisis amongst people that migrate to a new place, which is the identity crisis. The dilemma that they face is to define their identity. Evidently the Italian migrants choose to preserve their identity and at the same time assimilate into the new culture.
Preserving their identity proves to be a challenging and a daunting task especially to the second generations onwards. These people have very little if not at all attachments to their original roots. Here comes the role of family members. Family plays an essential role in introducing and maintaining the ethnic identity. If families continue to practice and observe their original roots and traditions ethnic identity will definitely be preserved as people will value their origins based on how much they know.
This paper takes food to show how the Italian Americans manage to preserve their ethnic identity. The example of little Italy festival manifests the idea of maintaining ethnic identity and assimilation of that identity into the new culture. This also proves that ethnic groups do not need to maintain any boundaries with the whole society, as ethnic identity will not disintegrate.
In a nutshell by using food as a reflection for ethnic identity we can see that Americanization has not disintegrated the original Italian culture and traditions amongst the Italian Americans. Their community, despite having to assimilate into the society has managed to stand by their roots and maintain their cultures through generations.
References
Alba, R. D. 1990. Ethnic Identity: The Transformation of White America. New Haven: Yale University Press.
Boscia-Mulè, P. 1999. Authentic Ethnicities: The Interaction of Ideology, Gender Power, and Class in the Italian-American Experience. Westport, CT: Greenwood Press.
Clark, D. 1991. Erin’s Heirs: Irish Bonds of Community. Lexington: The University of Kentucky Press.
Gans, H. J. 1979. “Symbolic Ethnicity: The Future of Ethnic Groups and Cultures in America.” Ethnic and Racial Studies 2:1-20.
Gans H. J. 1994. “Symbolic Ethnicity and Symbolic Religiosity: Towards a Comparison of Ethnic and Religious Acculturation.” Ethnic and Racial Studies 17:577- 592.
G. Goode, Judith Curtis, Karen, Theophano, Janet (1984) Meal Formats, Meal Cycles and Menu Negotiations in the Maintenance of Italian American Community. In Mary Douglas Food in the Social Order. USA: The Russel Sage Foundation. 143-218
González, A. G., Umaña-Taylor, A. J. & Bámaca, M. Y. 2006. “Familial Ethnic Socialization Among Adolescents of Latino and European Descent: Do Latina Mothers Exert the MostInfluence?” Journal of Family Issues 27:184- 207.
Greeley, A. M. 1972. That Most Distressful Nation: The Taming of the American Irish. Chicago: Quadrangle Books.
J. Iorizzo,Luciano, Mondello,Salvatore The Italian Americans Youngstown, NY : Cambria Press, 2006
King A.A study of the Italian diet in a group of New Heaven Families. Master Thesis Yale Univeristy.
Klymasz, Robert (1973) "From Immigrant to Ethnic Folklore," Journal of the Folklore Institute 133-137
Mindel, C. H., Habenstein, R. W., & Wright, Jr., R. 1998. “Diversity Among America’s Ethnic Minorities.” Pp. 1-12 in Ethnic Families in America: Patterns and Variations, edited byC. H. Mindel, R. W. Habenstein, and R. Wright, Jr. Upper Saddle Ridge, NJ: PrenticeHall.
Nizzardini, G and Joffe, N. Italian food patterns and their relationship to wartime problems of food and Nutrition Mimeographed. National Research Council on Food Habit. 1942.
Rotheram, M. J. & Phinney, J. S. 1987. “Introduction: Definitions and Perspectives in the Study of Children’s Ethnic Socialization.” Pp. 10-28 in Children’s Socialization: Pluralism andDevelopment, edited by J. S. Phinney and M. J. Rotheram. Newbury, CA: Sage Publications.
Stone, E. 1988. Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins: How Our Family Stories Shape Us. New York: Penguin Books.
Entering my final year Im pretty sure they will be people that will ask me about this when I return. For now all I can say is there are many things that I want to achieve first before settling down. However it does not mean I dont think about it at all.
Jodoh kita sebenarnya sudah tertulis di loh mahfuz. Kita suka atau benci, segalanya sudah tertulis dan sebagai manusia kita perlu redha. Kita mampu merancang tetapi Allah ada perancanganNya untuk kita dan semestinya perancangan itulah yang terbaik.
Berbicara soal jodoh ni, saya ada ciri-ciri pilihan sendiri. Sebab tu sepanjang hidup saya sangat susah untuk mempunyai perasaan dekat seseorang perempuan. Kalau saya tertarik pun banyak benda yang saya kena check sebelum betul2 nak suka.
Paling penting, mestilah rupa. Paras rupa mesti kena cantik dan penampilan kena kemas. Buat apa nak hipokrit, mana ada orang dalam dunia ni yang tak pentingkan kecantikan. Tetapi kecantikan tu subjektif. Kecantikan di sini bermakna cantik untuk saya. Tak kira la pendapat orang lain macam mana.Yang penting saya rasa cantik. InsyaAllah in the future I will provide her enough money for grooming,slimming beautiful clothes, everything.(kena kerja keras ni)
Saya juga pentingkan latar belakang. Bukan latar belakang keluarga tetapi latar belakang si dia. Macam mana dia bergaul dengan kawan-kawan, cara dia bercakap dengan orang tua tu semua sangat penting. Saya ada cita-cita yang memerlukan orang yang bakal bersama saya itu bersih dari benda yang bukan-bukan.
Cara dia position diri dia dekat public pun penting. Cara dia duduk dan cara dia berjalan. Duduk kena sopan berjalan kena tegak dan yakin. Contohnya, Kate Middleton dari segi public relation dia adalah wanita ideal bagi saya.
Otak pun kena ada jugak.Saya sangat suka intelectual discussion. Not all the time but from time to time. Sebab tu saya nak cari orang yang membaca dan orang yang boleh berhujah dengan baik. Senang nak communicate, nak bersembang pun tak bosan.
Kalau boleh nak cari orang yang minat sukan. Definitely bukan sukan2 yang terlalu lasak mcm base jumping atau panjat gunung ke apa tapi sukan komersial mcm bola, F1 or tennis maybe?Boleh kongsi minat sama-sama.
Ciri-ciri suri rumah pun penting jugak. Kemas rumah saya sangat2 tak boleh duduk dalam keadaan bersepah dan berhabuk. Masak? That should be a bonus tetapi kalau takder I dont really see it as a must. Asalkan rajin & pastikan ada makanan untuk dimakan. I did not grew up with home cooked meals but my mom made sure there's always food for us. Dont get the wrong idea, she do cook but not always.
Last but not least, dia mesti financially prudent. Susah kalau orang perempuan ni jenis yang tak pandai control duit. Berbelanja mengikut kemampuan. Bukan nak kedekut tetapi kalau ada 1000 kena belanja cara ada 1000 kalau ada 1 juta kena belanja cara ada 1 juta. Baru tak celaru hidup.
Seperti yang saya telah katakan tadi, kita boleh merancang atau berkehendak ke atas seusatu tetapi segalan-galanya kita terpulang kepada Allah.
Dalam soal jodoh sebenarnya yang paling penting AGAMA. Kalau takder sekalipun semua ciri-ciri yang saya nyatakan tadi, kena ada usaha mendekatkan diri pada agama.
Rasulullah SAW dalam hadisnya bermaksud, "Kahwinilah wanita itu kerana empat perkara, kerana hartanya, kerana keturunannya, kerana kecantikan dan kerana agamanya. Pilihlah wanita yang beragama, engkau akan selamat".
Mungkin orang akan kata kau nak macam2 ko tu mcm mana?
Thats the reason why I work hard to improve myself everyday.
Apa guna tuntut ilmu
jika hidup sekadar mengejar wang
Apa guna selamat
jika ramai yang teraniaya
Apa guna gembira
Jika masih ramai berduka
Apa guna mekar
Jika hakikatnya layu
Apa guna tenang
Jika hati masih resah
Apa guna bangkit
Jika matlamat tidak tercapai
Apa guna merdeka
Jika akal masih terjajah
Apa guna suara
Jika tiada kebebasan bersuara
Apa guna mata
Jika hati terus buta
Apa guna semangat
jika aku tidak berjuang
Biar aku mati
Tetapi jangan aku dipersiakan
Ahmad Ridhuan Alauddin
Suara anak muda di Malaysia sangat sayu. Jika kita berbeza pendapat ancaman berbentuk ISA sering diomong-omongkan. Bukankah ISA itu gunanya untuk menjamin ketenteraman negara?Jadi mengapa perlu ia digunakan untuk menyekat suara-suara lantang yang inginkan kebaikan untuk negara?Hati sangat kecewa apabila ramai orang yang sebenarnya sayangkan negara ingin menyatakan perbezaan pendapat tetapi terpaksa melupakan hasrat kerana ancaman berbentuk ISA. Saya tidak anti internal security act kerana ia penting untuk menjaga KESELAMATAN negara. Tetapi jika ia untuk menakutkan rakyat dan menutup KEBEBASAN bersuara itu bukanlah tujuannya.THINK.IMAGINE.BELIEVE.
Kadang-kala kita perlu,
jatuh sebelum bangun,
tewas sebelum menang,
luka sebelum sembuh,
terlupa sebelum beringat,
leka sebelum sedar,
buruk sebelum baik
tenggelam sebelum timbul,
gagal sebelum berjaya,
hilang sebelum jumpa
BENCI sebelum CINTA.
Aku hanya boleh doakan kau sentiasa bahagia dan sabar menghadapi segala dugaan.
Because I dont want you to know that I care
I want to be invisible to you.
Although Im not a natural born talent in any sports but I love sports. Of course football is my number one sport, my first love. A huge-huge super huge fan of Manchester United I have been following football since I was a kid. At 8 my room was filled with posters of my fav football club and at that time my favourite player, Michael Owen (I was super excited when he decided to join Man Utd!) Locally I supported Pahang as a kid because my uncles and auntys used to bring me to the stadium to watch them play(Abah originated from Pahang).
However when I entered MRSM in form 4 we were introduced to a new kind of spirit 'semangat kenegerian' people would be extremely proud of their state and since I was born and breed in Selangor it kinda affected me. I start supporting Selangor!So yeah now I support Selangor=)
My interest in sports does not only constitute football but it also includes various other sports. Some I have tried in school ans some I was introduced in uni. Tennis for instance is a sport that I start playing in school and now its my second favourite sports. In fact I bought a new tennis racquet early this year but since no one I know play tennis regularly I just dont get the opportunity to play it. In uni due to peer pressure I also do play rugby sometimes.
In the future, maybe after I graduate I would love to take up golf. YES believe it or not Im into golfing. 10 years ago I did took some golfing lesson however that was it. Mainly because dad stopped playing golf. Owh yeah did I mentioned I do not come from a sporting background. Most of my family members do not play sports. At times I wonder where does this deep passion and interest comes from?My grandfather perhaps?sigh I wish I could know them better. Both my gradfathers passed away when I was young. So now Im gonna make a list of sports that I have played and some sports that I hope to one day try just for the sake of having fun.
1. Football
2. Tennis
3. Golf
4. Rugby
5. Bowling
6. Go-Kart
7. Hockey
8. Squash
9. Badminton
10. Frisbee
'when I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change
When you smile the whole world stop and stare
because you are amazing just the way you are'
-Bruno Mars, Just the way you are'-
Inspired by the song Just the way you are by Bruno Mars
Because you are amazing
I dont want to find a reason
nor an answer
to why I would love you
now and forever
The world can judge
for what we are
for who you are
for who I am
But we shall stand
Above all those
unkind words
clueless ideas
As this is about us
Girl,you should know
I would not change
even a single bit of you
You are the face
I want to see
every single day
for the rest of my life.
because you are amazing
Just the way you are
by Ahmad Ridhuan Alauddin
Inspired by a song,dedicated to all my friends.Good luck in your exams!
Don't tell me you love me because I'm deaf,
Don't ask me an answer because i'm dumb,
Don't show me how much you love me because I'm blind,
let it be in your heart, for someone.
written by a close friend, Ammar Izzul Islam.
Back in school I used to imagine my life in uni. I had so many hopes and dreams. Now all that dreams and imagination is about to enter its final stage. Alhamdulillah the journey has been nothing less than spectacular. This is where I leave behind my teenage years for many more challenging years.
I wanted love,
I found someone,
But its not meant to be.
I wanted life,
what more can I hope for?
Im living the life.
I wanted an experience,
The journey itself
is an experience
I shall not forget.
I wanted to lead,
Indeed I have a chance
To make history.
To serve and lead the community.
My second year in university is about to end. Another two weeks of classes and then a whole month of exams. InsyaAllah if I pass all my subjects I will be entering my final year in uni. I might have not achieved much this year but I certainly when beyond my normal boundaries. Many things that I would have regarded as being impossible but this year I gave it a try. I took many calculated risks. Some of which brought pleasant returns and some just did not turn out well. As the Aussies often say, No worries mate!I am young and for sure I will make mistakes but the more important thing is I learn from my mistakes. I know if I did not take risks I wont find out the answer. My life will be haunted with many what if's questions. I am glad I freed myself from that uncertainty. This year I stood up for my feelings,for my thoughts and for what I believed in. A friend of mine once said, you must always be brave and you must not stop being brave. For now the journey shall continue. I dont want much in this temporary world. Just good enough condition for me to prepare for the afterlife.
When I first saw you,it never occured to me I will one day include you in my blog. This blog is a personal blog and I usually post things that are important in my life; things that I love and have a deep passion for. Since day one, you have been like a puzzle to me. I dont know what to do when it comes to you.
When I dont know what to do, I try not to act stupid and try to be smart. I have to be honest Im not funny so thats why I always talk facts in front of you. Maybe you hate me because of that?I dont know. You are somehow like a puzzle that I try to solve but end up destroying it.
What I saw in you is an ideal woman that knows what she wants in life. You always choose to do the right thing. In making decisions, you follow your brain and not your heart. How do you expect someone like me to present myself upon you? Thats the reason many things I di infront of you seemed like Im just making it up. Actually what I was trying to do was to be a better man. It would be a lie if I say I did not want to impress you. Well, Im not impresive so I had to make an impression. If thats the reason, I'll just accept Im not good enough and will never be good enough.
It is important that you know, Im young and Im not as matured or as good as you. All the things that I had done that got you annoyed are mistakes I have to live with. You have punished me enough, I hope you forgive me now.
I admit I once wanted to fight for your heart.Now that is something from the past. It hurts when I have to pretend like I dont care about your wellbeing. It hurts when I cant be there as a friend for you.
As far as you know me, YES there has been many unpleasant experience but Im sure there are moments when things were good between us. If perhaps you could actually picture the more pleasant moments when you look at me,InsyaAllah things can be better.
Im writing this because I care about you and I want you to know I have learnt my lesson.
Politics
Right now Keadilan is having their polls to choose party leaders. Since this is the party that I wish to join upon graduation I am following this years party polls with much interest. Of the many contests, I would say the contest for the Ketua Angkatan Muda is the most important contest. This is a party of the future, a party that is relatively new and also has a a large young supporters and therefore this position is extremely important. From all my readings one conclusion I can make is Rafizi Ramli is the best candidate to bring Keadilan forward. Lets be practical, Angkatan Muda needs intellectualism and start moving away from street politics. His team, Generasi Reformasi looks good I cant comment on each one of the member of his team but I personally know Saifullah Zulkifli as I have worked with him before during my time volunteering for YB Nik Nazmi two years ago. He is a very talented young man. Angkatan Muda can really use his experience as a student leader and activist to promote intellectualism. Yes I cant vote during this years party election but if there are any party members reading this, why not try something new? Go for Gerakan Reformasi!
P/S: Apparently there are party leaders that read my post therefore I have decided to make a separate post regarding this subject because the previous post was just a random post =)
This is week 7 in uni. One assignment away from mid semester break. I really do think that Australia university have got a very good academic calendar planning. Usually breaks come when you badly need a break from university. After all the assignments and work-load together with never ending personal problems that completes the horrendous pressure put upon shoulder you will eventually reach a point where you just feel like giving up. Alhamdulillah thats when the break comes in to save your life. I look forward to this break because I BADLY need to restructure my life and start focussing on my studies in my final 4 weeks of semester 2 Year 2 life.
Life
Overall I am happy.Blessed with strong pillars of supports from wonderful friends, I cant ask for more. Truthfully right now I am surrounded by people I am really comfortable with. But just like all good things, this journey will end soon, in one year to be more precise. From my facebook status I bet people would think that I am always emotional. In reality, that is not nearly true. It so just happen that whenever i update my status it would be an emo status. I have a reason for that. I used to update happy status until someone labeled me as a psycho that creates happiness in my mind, believe it or not it was on her STATUS!So since then I rarely put happy thoughts up. But now, oh well what the hell. Why should I bother?I apologised but she insisted on HATING me. So Im not going to bother anymore. Its just not worth it.
Politics
Right now Keadilan is having their polls to choose party leaders. Since this is the party that I wish to join upon graduation I am following this years party polls with much interest. Of the many contests, I would say the contest for the Ketua Angkatan Muda is the most important contest. This is a party of the future, a party that is relatively new and also has a a large young supporters and therefore this position is extremely important. From all my readings one conclusion I can make is Rafizi Ramli is the best candidate to bring Keadilan forward. Lets be practical, Angkatan Muda needs intellectualism and start moving away from street politics. His team, Generasi Reformasi looks good I cant comment on each one of the member of his team but I personally know Saifullah Zulkifli as I have worked with him before during my time volunteering for YB Nik Nazmi two years ago. He is a very talented young man. Angkatan Muda can really use his experience as a student leader and activist to promote intellectualism. Yes I cant vote during this years party election but if there are any party members reading this, why not try something new? Go for Gerakan Reformasi!
MASCA SA
Alhamdulillah.I was fortunate enough to be voted into the Malaysian Students' Council of Australia (South Australian Chapter) last year. Soon my first term will end. We have one more event before this years committee will be dissolved and a new committee will be elected during our AGM. From what I heard more than half of the current committee will not be seeking for re-election. Its kinda sad but good things never last. Personally, I am willing to serve for another term. However it all depends on whether i'll get re-elected. We'll see how it goes. Overall it had been a very good learning experience for me and so whatever happens I am honoured to have been able to serve in this organisation.
Regards,
Ahmad Ridhuan Alauddin.
Today I was unexpectedly asked by someone I do not expect, a straight and direct question. It was simple but yet a huge question I would say.
DO YOU LIKE HER?
Lets put the CURRENT SITUATION OUT of the equation. Thats not important. What I am worried about is how I answered the question.
I said, ' I cant give you a definite answer'. The question now is:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
Since when did I became indecisive with my feelings? When it comes to feelings I am the type of guy who have always been sure of what I want. I am usually very decisive. She can be taken, or in love with someone else but if I like someone I just like someone (doesnt mean Im going to make a move for her; I know how to respect other people). I cant control how I feel but surely I can control what I do with that feelings.
I could have answered the question with a big YES or even a big NO. But honestly, the answer that came out from me was an honest answer.
I am certainly not looking for a relationship which I think was in fact the reason why I dont know whether I like her or not. I am attracted, but hey, Im looking for the REAL thing so there are so many things that I have to consider before being 100% committed. Some people say Im too slow but to me, its fine. If its meant to be, its meant to be; she can go fall for all the guys in this world, in the end she'll still be mine. So Im not worried. I believe in destiny. Allah knows best.
Another possible reason is that maybe Im tired of falling for someone. I am still hurt by my recent experience. It takes time to recover especially when it hurts so deeply. Okay, lets not get into that.
SO YES.
I stand by my answer. 'I cant give a definite answer'. Maybe one day, when Im really sure of my feelings I'll consider confessing. Am I not scared she might be taken by then? Well,again Allah knows best. The important thing here is Im being honest to myself.
FOR NOW
I pray that,
she would always
be happy
Believe in herself.
Be successful in life.
Blessed with good health
and all the best things in life.
Amin.
Everyday I pray for you. I pray for you to be happy. I pray for your health. I pray that one day perhaps you will see me the way I see you. This feelings is real and pure. No, my dear I'm not one of those people that are around you just to get a piece of you. Im willing to put my life on the line for you but Im not asking for anything. Is this love?Sometimes I wonder. Isnt love supposed to be beautiful? Isnt love supposed to unite two hearts? Why is it hurting me.
You keep yourself in that world of yours. Hoping for a miracle. Dreaming of the impossibles. Trapped above the stars, blind to the harsh reality .Reality? oh well thats where I stand. Far far away from your heart.
**************
You called yesterday. My brain says dont pick up. My heart says what if she really needs you. As always I succumbed to my feelings. You wanted to see me by the river behind our university. I thought, that is rather strange. That is the place where I go to find peace. The chill breeze whisking on my face; the sights of affectionate lovers that never fails to give hope. Maybe one day I'll find my true love, it gives me peace.
I could see you, beautiful as always. You were wearing your maroon coat, my favourite colour. I saw you a holding a yellow balloon. That is rather strange, I thought. Knowing you; I have always been prepared to expect the unexpected. I went closer and I saw you smiling, the exact smile that had melted my heart again and again. Before I could open my mouth you gave me that yellow balloon. Just as I got a hand on it, it popped.
Is this a sign from god? I said sorry and you say its ok because theres a message in it. Yes indeed,there was a piece of paper;written on it was a poem. It was your handwriting so I know you wrote it. I always knew you could write, thats your talent. I was at the first sentence when the skies turned grey what seemed so clear moments ago is now fading away. That was the end of my dream.
I dont want to create a reason
or say something
that would make things better
Its just not that simple
Its important to know
I have trained myself
to look strong and relaxed
especially under pressure
As though my confidence level
have no limitation
I act professional
according to the situation
So I might seem fine
In the outside yes
Not in the inside.
Now is the time
I shall repeat my pledge
Dont care about my feelings
its worthless.
I am committed to see
my friends happy.
for you are the one
that compares to no other.
Ahmad Ridhuan,20
If I am a painter, I want to draw a new picture.
If I am a movie director, I want to film a new movie.
If I am an actor, I want to star in a new blockbuster.
If I am a singer I want to sing new song.
If I am a writer I want to write a new story.
If I am an entrepreneur I want to create a new business.
If I am a lawyer, I want to fight a new case.
If I am a dreamer, I want a new dream.
YES.
I want a new beginning.
In this story I dont want it to be about me.
I want it to be about everyone around me.
I tried to get something done for me,for once.
BUT
I was misjudged,misinterpreted,misunderstood and HATED.
So NO I am not going to let my life go down the drain.
I swear to god I wont let what they did to me happen to any of my friends.
The misery and the sadness.OH,IT HURTS.
SO
For that reason, I am going to spend my life
from now onwards, making others happy.
I'll do what it takes to make you, my friends, my family happy.
Ignore my happiness. I DONT CARE.
I will only care for all of you
Which means in Adelaide Im talking about all my friends.
and at home all my family and friends.(See I am giving clear definition so that my intention wont be misinterpreted anymore)
PLEASE
Just tell me if it gets uncomfortable.
Correct if what I am doing is wrong.
Because I PROMISE you I have no hidden intentions
I just want you guys to be happy.
Obviously I am human,so I might make mistakes.
I repeat CORRECT me.
I will repent and make sure the right things are done.
WHY?
Because I am done pretending as if what happened did not affected me at all.
I am tired and sick of thinking about how to get this over with.
I guess this is my final decision.
