When I say something.

When I say something, I usually mean it if its an advice it usually something that I do. I do not usually give advices that I cant do myself. However during the weekend I said something that Im not doing. I feel bad it keeps coming to my mind but I'll just justify what I said here. I am not sure whether they read my blog or not but I just feel like getting it out here. YES I am in the middle of an assignment and exams are around the corner I am fully aware of that just that I tend to feel uncomfortable if I dont let it out.

Ok. I was with a few friends during the weekend,we were talking and chilling when this topic about confession came out. I declared if you like someone you MUST tell them. And everyone agreed with me. Then I start explaining the concept that you have to be a man if you like someone, tell HER. The only problem is, this is something that I only BELIEVE in. It is the RIGHT thing to do. I have to be honest, however it is not something that I am doing.

I HAVE done it before but just once. After that, that hasnt been the case. Ive never confessed to anyone else. I admit I do have feelings for someone now and I dont plan to tell her. I am pretty sure she is clueless about my feelings and I prefer it to remain like this at least for the time being.

Dont get me wrong I am not someone that says something but dont do it. It is just that I have my own reasons. Trust me I can justify my reasons.

Firstly, the time is not right. I am just occupied by so many things now. Priorities that I have to consider. My studies, my commitment with Masca and the list goes on. Because she is special, I cant just say I like her and expect her to like me. I have to put lots of effort and trust me, I am willing offer not just my heart but also my lifetime to this girl but the time is not now. I have to stay focus. I am chasing a dream and she will fit into my dream insyaAllah. Lets face it love will make her happy,true enough but MONEY will make her happier.

If I choose to confess I have to think of the consequences. Will I lose her forever? Do I keep fighting?Will she hate me?Will I be annoying her? and the list goes on. I have to be very sure that it wont break me FIRST then only I can confess and at least when the time comes, I am prepared for any possibilities. I also have to make sure that it will make her HAPPY.

For now, I just want to be MYSELF. I just want to be her friend and hopefully she'll see my qualities. Because it was her qualities that got me attracted. I want her to judge me also from my qualities. I am not looking for a relationship that comes from being sweet,giving presents, poetry or wtv. I want a pure relationship that is real. I am looking for a relationship that will last forever. It needs to be based not entirely on love but also other important qualities.

Well thats my explanation. You might think Im wasting my time but no, this is actually a form of counselling for me. I am doing this for myself. To make me feel better.

Again, please UNDERSTAND I like to do the right thing and I am always serious about doing the right thing however sometimes due to the situation the right thing to do might not seem right in theory.

Regards,
Ahmad Ridhuan Alauddin.