love is not a fairy tale(part 3)

firstly i would like to thank all of u that actually read my posts anyway have fun in life because life is too short!i'll continue my story.

Ku cuba redakan relung hati,

Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi,

Terlukis di dalam kenangan,

Bebas bermain di hatiku….

I was already in secondary school. Everything changed. New school,new friends,old friends, new teachers new subjects the time has come for me to grow up. I cant be living in my childhood days anymore. The life in secondary school is different. At that time i sort of lost contact with her. As expected she went to an all girl school. It could be the end of our short friendship but deep down inside i know it is not possible. Furthermore our school is just a few km away.

Theres nothing much that i can do. She was never in my group of friends so eventhough i am still in contact with my friends that's in her school i was not in contact with her. I might not be in contact with her but my heart at the time is still with her.

After a while i kinda got bored and decided perhaps the best thing is to move on with life. She is just a childhood memory. Me and Adam(my bestfriend) were still pretty much close despite being in different school's. We still attend our daily religious class together. It was very fun not only because we learnt so much in the classes but also because we are able to actually meet up everyday. We had a friend a senior infact. She was in the same school with her. She updates me with the girl of my dreams progress now and then. She was very helpful towards me and adam in the sense that she helped us a lot to understand about girls and all about their complicated friends. She even offered to introduce us to girls from her school. She brought pictures(library cards) of girls that she thinks we might be interested. Until today i wonder how she managed to get all those library cards. Its hilarious when you think back. But what can i say we were kids.

Then the friendster era came. Adam introduced me to friendster. I registered and in no time i adding all my primary school mate. I was searching for he account but I couldnt find it until I found her bestfriend's account. I didnt added her immediately because I am not sure wheter she remembers me. She knew I had a crush on her back in primary school but she didnt i still have feelings for her. So I sent her a very polite message who is she. And her reply was 'Dont act stupid i know u know who I am' After months of waiting that reply was not bad at all. She actually remembers thats the important thing.

We became friends. Not just friends but good friends. A few weeks after I added her on messenger I actually confessed. There's no point waiting any longer because i thought ive waited long enough. And that was my initial thoughts because it was just the beginning. I made it clear that i would like to win her heart. Her response was favorable. The pursue of fai's heart begun. After a few months I cant remember how and why but i actually asked her to be my girlfriend. I also cant remember why but she rejected the proposal. You see there are certain things in life that you dont want to remember and actually you will not remember it.

So now what?Give up?No way! It was just my first try. I was not prepared to give up. Actually I did think about giving up so i asked Lynn(one of my oldest and best friend) should i or should I not continue. She did not gave me an answer but asked me one question that means a lot. She asked me whether all the hassles that I have gone true and challenges that I am about to face for this girl is worth it. I said I am not sure. She said the only one that can answer that question is me and I should no the answer.

What do u think is my answer?Yes she's worth it. Spend time knowing her and i dare say you will definitely like her. She's not a girl that you meet everyday. She's one in a million or make it one in a billion. She wont say things that you want to hear but things that you NEED to hear. She wont give you false hope but you will still hope for her. I would prefer not to describe her physical appearance because that's not important(she's really really really really really x1000 beautiful!=) hehe..)

Like i said i never gave up.. since that year I asked her to be my gf every year until I got her. Since I am actually trying preserve my memories because this is my history in years to come theres so many people that I will meet and so many stories and I might forget the detail of the story of my first love.

love is not a fairy tale(part 2)

Im gonna continue my story....=)

When i say it was a start to many extraordinary things in my life. It was actually a start to many super extraordinary things in my life. I said to myself i have to know this girl no matter what it takes. Soon after asking around i found out that she was close to one of my old friend, Amy(in fact they are still good friends now) I met Amy and asked her everything that I need to know about that girl. Her name was Fai. She was her class president. There were very close.According to Amy she is complicated. She was soo rite!At time I was a librarian. One particular day during recess I had to do my normal duty at the library. So while I was at the counter doing nothing because i dun really like to read books. Basically I was just doing my normal librarian duty processing books and stuffs. I heard giggles from the fiction books section. I thought it was some annoying juniors running around kidstuffs. So since I was on duty I went to check out. It was not some annoying juniors but it was two girls playing hide and seek. It was Fai and Amy! I was like what on earth are u girls doing. Their answer were simply childish we are playing around. The asked wheter I wanna join. I really dunno why but I said YES.

Love changed me in many ways. I actually cared about life. I start to take my studies seriously. I start becoming more responsible. My journey towards adulthood had begun. It was not because Im leaving primary school but because I have fallen in love with a girl for the first time in my life!

Time flies. Without realizing it my primary school days are about to end. The situation was interesting. I was excited to leave school but at the same time I was sad that Im leaving school and my friends are going to be scattered around. We are not going to be in to be in the same school or at least most of us are going to different pathways. 60% of the girls in my primary school usually enters an all girl school which means we are not going to be in the same school anymore.

Since it was my last year in primary my mom had a birthday party for me that year. So I had this discussion with a few of my closest friend. I wanted to invite her to party but the only thing that she knows about me is my name! It will be very awkward to invite someone you barely know to ur party. One of my friend Amiirah suggested that she go and invite her since they knew each other quite well. I agreed. On my birthday I was very nervous not that I am afraid all my friends wont come but I really hoped that she will come. A few hours before the party started I said to myself if she comes she is the girl for me. I waited and waited finally she was there! I was extremely happy perhaps her presence made the party unforgettable!

Soon primary school ended and nothing much happened. It was an end to one chapter on my life. I couldnt expect more because meeting her was good enough for me.

love is not a fairy tale()

ive written about my first love story so many times last year for my english essay that i kinda told myself thats it im not going to write about it in college anymore. However i have to say it is a wonderful experience that i will never want to forget. Since it is apart of my life history i would like to write it once more and save it on my blogsite so long live this and this give live to thee. It is not that im not over it but George Santayana, a famous philosopher once said those who cannot remember the past is condemned to repeat it. I have to admit that i have learnt a lot by falling in love it changed me as person and made me a better leader. For your information not all the names in my story are real names i have decided to replace some of the names for some reasons. Allow me to start...

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu

Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu

Seiring jejak kakiku bergetar

Aku tlah terpaku oleh cintamu

Menelusup hariku dengan harapan

Namun kau masih terdiam membisu

The word terdiam membisu or silent describes many parts of my love story. =)

It was June 2002 i was halfway through my primary school days. In less than 6 months i will leave primary school live and all my childhood memories to explore a whole new life or at that point i thought i am about to enter adulthood. I always imagined leaving primary school means that i will become an adult little that i know that my journey to adulthood is still far away. In the malaysian education system all standard 6 or students that are leaving primary school have to sit for an important test UPSR. Since it was already June we are all busy preparing for UPSR. I was still a kid at that time nothing seems to be important to me. One morning when we arrived at school the teachers informed that we are going to be separated into two groups. The first group will occupy the front part of our school hall(three classes combined) and the second group will occupy the back part of the hall. I was sitted beside Helmi,Am and Alyaa(I eill remember u guys forever!). We were given notes and tips and long lectures. Like i said i was still a kid and I dun care! Instead of giving our full attention toward our dedicated teachers in front me, Helmi and Am started our own 'forum'(gila2 top secret) later Alyaa joined us too. The interesting part is that we were not just talking about any ordinary topic we were talking about our future. We were talking about our ambition where are we going after primary school. Then we start talking about love.We had to describe how our future wife will look like or in other words our dream girl. Helmi was first then Am described his dream girl when it came to me i dont have a dream girl. I have a crush on one of my classmates but it was just a crush i dun want my wife to look like her. I was looking around and when i turned back i saw this small petite girl brown eyes,brown hair the most beautiful girl ive ever seen in my live. Believe me i dont use the word beautiful unless something is really really beautiful.At that moment its like my life stopped for a second. It was crazy i cant remember what came into my mind but yeah i have fallen in love for the first time. So i start describing her to them. And they were like "that is very detail" and they thought i was describing her(my crush) but it wasnt her its this girl that have been in the same school with me for the past 5 years but i failed to notice her. Then came this moment when our teacher distributed notes it was BM(pemahaman) I already had a copy but my friend beside me didnt have a copy i immediately gave him my notes because i knew the girl beind me didnt have a copy. I saw her standing up and walking straight towards teacher and i knew that is my chance to talk to her so i said hey can u please get me the notes to. She said yes. And she came back with the notes i was mesmerized i wanted to introduce myself but the only words i could say is "thank you".. I know what you might think..guys they only fall in love with pretty girls but trust me this girl is not just just a pretty girl which explains why i used the word beautiful. I might fall for her looks and u know what they say 'dont judge a book by its cover' if she's a book fine i might fall for her cover(looks) FIRST but eventually when i start reading the book (getting to know her-will elaborate more in future posts) i dont care about the cover anymore whats important is inside. In 50 years time the cover might be torn and might not be attractive anymore i dont care because the content is much more than the cover.I will never forget that day it was a day that starts like any other day but ended unlike any other day. It was a beginning to a story. It was a start to many extraordinary things in my life.